I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
