Well apparently he's into motor boating.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
