the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
