hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
