with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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