remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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