did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
