he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
