how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize