p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
