just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
