I met the friendliest cop last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
