I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
