i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
