I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
