i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
