I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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