I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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