Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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