I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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