i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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