duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
