thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
