nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
