Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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