Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
