Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
