dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
