I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
