i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
