dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
