when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
