Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
