I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
