You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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