If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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