Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize