i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
