You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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