no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
