I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
