there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
