my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize