You can't motorboat a personality
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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