This is not my ceiling
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
