U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm really busy with my period
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