i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
