You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have post one night stand depression
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
