My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
