Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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