you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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