1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
