haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
