he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
