She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
