she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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