Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
