Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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