i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
