I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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