The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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