You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
