drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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