im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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